Some Silent Suffering

TNTT. My favorite thing to do on Saturdays. I get to chill out with some friends, learn some stuff, play some games, and hang out with God. It's great, a youth group for the Vietnamese Catholic youth.

But even though I've had friends in that group for the longest time that I can remember, I still feel like the loneliest person in the world. They all have their closer friends and I'm just there for everyone. A desolate feeling it is, maybe that's another reason for Jeffy.

I find myself talking to myself a lot more often recently. It's kind of scary. I see pictures of all of the closer friends having a blast with each other, and I start to wonder, how come I'm not there? I know and am friends with every single one of those people. Where do I fit?

Perhaps I don't.

I never cry about it, I just feel sad is all. Sad that I don't have any friends I can just talk to. I tell my imagination everything on my mind, which is a little messed up because my imagination comes from my mind... so shouldn't it already know all of it?

They all tell me I'm great. They come to me when they need help with anything, and I always help them out. One on one. But when we're in groups, it's like I'm a dust particle in the air. If you concentrate hard enough on trying to see it, you can see it. If not, it's like it's not there at all. I do all I can for these people, and yet, they do almost nothing for me. I try to go to them with my problems, but they seem so closed off to me when I do.

Am I being used?

This is when I try to think of all the things I'm doing wrong. Maybe I'm like a mosquito, I don't do much to get myself noticed around people, but when I try, I kind of get whacked away. Here I am again, putting it on other people.
Maybe it is all my fault. I'm probably unexciting, far too serious all the time, never wants to have fun.

Hold up. I'm not.
I know I can be serious at times, but that's when I have to be. Otherwise, I amuse even myself with my natural behavior... my dad even thinks I'm weird.


Aight, so I left this page and watched the latest episode of The Legend of Korra, and now I feel less pathetic about myself. I can get through this. I have Jeffy by my side when I need him.
But most importantly, I have God.

I feel so cheesy.