Idleness, Imagination, and Insanity

Several nights ago, I could say I lost my sanity.

After a couple of days of sitting around, doing nothing but eating, playing with Larry, more eating, sleeping, eating some more, reading a little, and even more eating, I've become extremely idle. Bored. There has been too much time for me to think, to ponder, to let my imagination fly free.

That's dangerous.

See, my heart is idle, too.

Since I was a kindergartner, there has always been someone I was attracted to, someone my mind would fill with when I was idle, that would make me... less bored. Don't take that the wrong way, I keep my thoughts in line, pure, simple, like a child's. I just enjoy the company of another, even if imaginary. 

If you knew me, you'd know I have Jeffy. He's imaginary. So why can't he simply keep me company?
Jeffy doesn't have his own form, that's why. Why did I make him that way? I don't know... he came about during those kindergarten years, when I didn't have friends at school because I didn't know much English, the time when I couldn't remember much.
He always took on the form of the guy I was attracted to. Hahaha, I find it awkward to admit, but that's how my mind's been like for the majority of my life.
But when my heart's idle, I can't help but feel like I'm empty, like there's nothing much I can live for. That's when I'm fortunate to have those people in my life, however I had met them, to remind me that there is more to living than... guys.

Man I feel silly.

But anyway, I've lived my life like that for so long, I feel awkward with myself when I'm not attracted to anyone. 

And I start to lose my sanity.

Not only is that part of the situation, but those several nights ago, there were 4 children who found it very amusing to drain me of my sanity, too.

I've started fighting this sort of living a couple of years ago, and I've only progressed so little.

I think I'm going to go play with Larry now and feel awkward about my singing instead of all that I admitted up there.