We weren't this vicious to one another, were we?

You know those cheesey movies with the psycho bully of a girl who thinks she's absolutely perfect? She puts people down because she knows they're better than her? She spreads rumors about the unfortunate just so everyone else can turn against them? She dates guys that are the bullied best friends so she can turn them against them, too?
You'd think that was just a movie, that we were never that dramatic and egotistical, that no one lacks the common sense to actually be that type of person.

Unfortunately, it happens.

The whole classic deal. Two bestfriends, one with a greater character, one with better looks. Let's call them Tara and Laura, respectively. Laura knows Tara is a good kid, so she does what she can to break her. Calls her a slut, a whore, ignores her and says Tara should know what she did wrong to make her act this way.
Then Laura goes off to make everyone else turn against Tara. And the next thing she knows, she has everyone on her side.
Unfortunately,  Tara becomes depressed and starts cutting. She doesn't eat. Cries every night. And when she goes to someone and tells them about it, they just laugh and call her those nasty names. Even her other friend makes it hard on her. Tara tells her friend, and all she does is freak out at her and get mad at her for not telling her. Calls her those nasty names. Makes Tara feel sick. What a friend.
But the thing is, Laura pretends to be depressed, and threatens to the people around her that she'll cut herself. And everyone is sympathetic.

Then you have the boy of a bestfriend. Tara depended on him to be the only nice friend she had left. Laura didn't want that, so she dates him and twists up his mind.

It's so much like a movie, it makes me sick. Why are junior high kids so stupid? So cruel to one another? I think some just watch way too much TV. It frightens me how much some actually enjoy making people feel miserable.

I could rant on some more, but alas, I am falling asleep.

I'm glad that we grow up. Unfortunately,  some don't grow out of their stupidity.

Church and Culture

After years of going to Vietnamese church for the main masses of the liturgical year, attending mass at an American church, and a very wealthy one at that, really makes me wonder and question my own culture. I’d watch all of the people, mostly of European decent (there was only one other Asian family and really no other ethnicities), talk among themselves and heartily greet each other. There was a certain reverence you could find throughout all the ages of the population. The elderly were kind, the middle aged were cheerful. You couldn’t find a sense of division between groups of the teenagers. Each and every one of them were absorbed in the mass or the service, and I would find that I probably was the only one who looked distracted looking around. What got me the most was that the congregation participated during mass; the majority of the members actually sang. That was probably what surprised and impressed me the most, that nearly everyone was singing with the choir. I was so amazed, I stopped singing myself to listen to the rest of the congregation.

One thing that stood out to me about this church was that the way they conducted mass felt so much more meaningful than any of the Vietnamese masses I’ve attended. Perhaps it’s because I grew up in an American culture and am not fond of the Vietnamese customs. Or maybe I just don’t understand said Vietnamese customs. Quite possibly, the Vietnamese customs might just be what they can be perceived as: a lot of seemingly unorganized noise. Don’t get me wrong, I love my culture and try to understand and enjoy the customs, but sometimes, I just can’t understand what’s going on, and what the sole purpose of each tradition is.

You’d find in my Vietnamese church that no one greets one another before mass starts, probably because we always have a praying session right before mass. Any sort of interaction between members of the congregation really only ever happens when we give each other peace, or when teenagers and students get distracted and end up talking to each other for half of the mass. During homilies, I'm pretty sure only the older generations every listen and pay attention. Let's be honest, the majority of the younger generations don't know enough Vietnamese to grasp what the priest is saying, or know some but tune out once they feel like they've tried hard enough. As for the singing, if it's not an old song everyone knows, no one is singing along with the choir. Perhaps there'll be one or two trying to sing along, but in reality, everyone else isn't... especially with the kids. I would know.

I think it sad that the culture barrier can prevent those who grew up with a mix of cultures to feel distant from the beautiful event that mass is. Teaching the culture to the younger generations of the community haven't been effective. I wouldn't be surprised if the students just didn't care. 

The biggest thing that really impressed me about this American church I attended, was that they had more teenagers participating and taking care of things for mass instead of any older people. With mine, the same people have taken care of such duties for as long as I can remember. Not many of the teenagers of my church community have a spot in the congregation as a whole that they can call theirs, as their duty for even a short amount of time. In all honesty, I think because we're not allowed to take on some of these things, we are less likely to want to serve the community like I have seen in other churches.

Much respect goes out to the American churches that are capable of bringing everyone’s attention to the real reason why we celebrate the different holidays; I hope that one day my Vietnamese church will be capable of doing just the same.

I suppose each church community advances at their own pace. But there comes a point when everyone knows that something hasn't been working for a long time, that advancement needs to be made.

I sort of feel awful about bashing my own community, but that's what I honestly think.

Sigh Again and Again. And Again.

So much seems to go on, and yet, it's almost like nothing compared to other people's struggles. But is it really? I apologize, mostly to myself, if this post makes absolutely no sense and isn't cohesive at all.
Adults often wish they were back in the teenage years, but why? As awful as I feel about life right now, being an adult must be even worse than it is as a teen. I'll probably look back at this post and laugh at what I had to say, but this is simply how I am feeling at the moment.

So many feelings.
And for some, feeling like that is so pointless, and I know it's pointless. But why do I still feel this way?
Now I'm questioning what I'm even trying to get at. And I feel like I'm just talking to myself now.


Family is breaking apart. So what? There are so many other families in worse condition than yours. What makes yours so much more important to whine about?

You have serious jealously issues. So what? You tell yourself you're accustomed to rejection at this point, why even care?


Two things. Two issues, and nothing more? Is that really extravagant enough to twist up how you engage with people, how responsive you are?
No one likes to see you moody. Sure, they understand how out of it you are from time to time, but this? This has been going on for what will be 3 weeks.

Maybe Mumford and Sons has it right. Where you invest your love, you invest your life.
Your love has been directed towards your family and this goofball of a boy, and not in yourself. Your life has been put into your family and this boy; your life really isn't yours anymore. Is it? Has it ever been?

You really are just talking to yourself.

I don't remember the point of doing this. Only made myself feel worse.

Senior Slack

Senior slack. It's not senioritis. What in the world is an inflammation of the senior? Makes no sense.

What was I here for?

Oh yeah... I was going to blog about something. Then again, I wanted to blog about a lot of things for the past couple of weeks... and yet, I didn't do it.

Maybe tomorrow.

Just kidding. I'll share my "art project" for world literature! For the Shakespeare unit, my class read Hamlet. What I don't understand is how my peers don't understand the play. Granted, it's rather confusing and twisty turvy, but the teacher honestly tells us exactly what happens and explains all the little details. Just pay attention a little and maybe you would have gotten something.

But anyway...

For the art project, I had to cleverly combine two themes from Hamlet, all the while not making it too obvious of what the entire piece means. I suppose that's what art does, doesn't it? Every element could mean different things. If you've never read Hamlet, I guess you wouldn't be able to point out all the little different things I incorporated into the song I wrote for the project.

And here it be:

Verse 1

Son to Father

Father to Son

Blood truly does connect them

But family doesn’t always make them one

‘cause it caused them to tear apart

And become trapped in separate worlds

Crying out to the heavens

Let our proof of love start to unfurl

Chorus

They took them down

Those who seemed truly close to them

Turned their lives around

With deception masking the truth

With choices more foolish than the youth

A blade of honor that was sharpened dull

All their weapons of betrayal

Verse 2

One left to fight the war

The other can’t even defend

But love goes further than relations

At arms with him fights a faithful friend

They stand together

A wall strong as diamond

Waiting until the perfect time

Only striking at the very end

Chorus

Bridge

When they finally made their attack

There was no way for them to go back

Their choice was wholeheartedly made

Their loyalty would not ever fade

They took them down

Those who seemed truly close to them

Turned their lives around

With dedication strong with love

With anger that is deep enough

To blacken the very soul

And the kind that keeps one loyal

I would be entirely impressed if you could figure out what was going on in my head while writing this. It took me awhile to even figure it out myself... HAHAHA.
Anyway, I've figured out chords and a melody, it's just too late at night for me to record it without getting into any trouble with the parents.

Maybe tomorrow.

My inflammation of the senior is causing severe laziness, and any medication taken for it is causing side-affects that only worsen it.

Hammering away at Hamlet

Okay, I confess. I'm only blogging because I want to waste time away and not actually read Hamlet right now. It's been awhile since my last post, huh? But I don't think it really matters. I'm probably just reaching out to one, maybe two people with the details of the life of Thuylinh.

School's started and I've encountered the beginnings of the monster of senior year. Unlike most of my peers, I chose to make my year a challenging one, and allow senior slack to affect more if it were to ever overcome me. By the second day, I'm already flooded with homework. Each little assignment needed to be done with quite a bit of detail.
"Review" for CIS (College in the Schools) Calculus wasn't actual review.
I had to figure out how the law of supply and demand worked for CIS Microeconomics.
A summary about an article on hand-washing needed to be written for Microbiology.
World Literature required a fully detailed note-card on several personal characteristics.
The rumor of the difficulty of CIS Physics generally worried anyone.
...and then I have Medical Careers, in which the class hasn't done anything.

Now that I'm actually thinking about it, I don't have much to complain about, do I? Besides filling out applications for colleges and scholarships, I have nothing else going on after school. I didn't even attend the recent football game that the team won.

I suppose this makes me very fortunate.
Fine, I'll stop complaining and go read Hamlet now. Perhaps I'll end up reading ahead. That's what I do, isn't it?

My string of thoughts are perhaps a little difficult to follow.

I'll soon be blogging about my experience as Link Leader, eh? That really changed me. Along with how I'm not longer actually leaving the my church's children's choir. But I'm far too lazy to type anymore.

Blessed Beyond Knowing

Yesterday night was a bummer. But we can only move on, right? There's no point in mourning in the past and pulling yourself back. It's at time of suffering when you realize how blessed you really are! The passed seven or eight days have been filled with recognition of many of the blessings that God bestowed on my life. Three of the biggest blessings I've experienced are the amazing people I got the chance to meet who really kept me going and were my support when I really broke down. 

The people I knew the least who reached out to me the most. 

All three don't even live in Minnesota.

One I technically didn't meet face to face.

Another I thought I had met before... but it turns out he was only a look alike.

The last, he's just as crazy as I am. Maybe even more than that.

And only one of them could possibly read this. I never really shared this blog at all...

Each reached out to me at my low points this summer, even if they didn't realize it. 

When I felt abandoned the most, there was a crazy face around to fill the emptiness. 

When I was extremely doubtful, or going down the wrong path, words of wisdom came from another. He seems too young to be so wise. 

And when no one else realized that I was down and out (or maybe they did, they just didn't really do anything about it...), I get a text, at one in the morning asking if I was okay. CAN YOU BE MY NEW BEST FRIEND?

No one ever does that for me. Perhaps I don't have to be the one person who doesn't have anyone to lean on with so many leaning on me.
I've been feeling so thankful all day for you guys. 

Simple sounds nice, yes?

I would have thought that I would have the urge to blog about all of the trips I've taken this summer. But I guess they didn't really get me going on the writing thing.

So far this summer I've...

1. ...gone to Texas to visit my aunt and her family, along with my brother and uncle.

2. ...gone to Carlinville, Illinois to attend a national convention for the Knights of the Eucharist, who are a part of a international youth group: the Vietnamese Eucharistic Youth Society.

     There, I...
              a. ...sang an original song at a talent show and won second place.

              b. ...met some pretty awesome Californian dudes.

              c. ...didn't eat Vietnamese food.

3. ...recorded songs I've written, at McNally Smith College of Music

     From which I realized...

              a. ...McNally Smith is dominantly male populated.

              b. ...playing guitar for 4 hours straight is a pain.

              c. ...I'm an awkward conversationalist while driving.

              d. ...I'd rather share my music to the world for free, rather than selling it.

4. ...gone to camp with my youth group.

     There, I...

              a. ...got closer to Christ.

              b. ...learned how to receive, live, and spread the Gospel.

              c. ...beasted up camp time with my awesome group.

              d. ...lost my voice while beasting it up.

              e. ...screamed like a banshee while flinging myself around (I was playing a part of a demon-possessed person in a skit).

5. ...completed a small portion of my Pre-Calculus review to get ready for AP Calculus next year.

If there's one thing I really want to talk about, is letter d under number 3. Some people call me crazy (I call myself crazy all the time, so it's alright) for not wanting to at least try to sell my music. Make some extra money with it, why not? There are a few reasons that I'd rather not do so.

1. Singing/songwriting is my hobby.

If I start selling my stuff, I feel it'll become more of a business than a hobby. Then my so called "hobby" at one point will end up stressing me out, instead of soothing me like hobbies should. That's what hobbies are for, right? When you're bored with little to do, you do some stuff that relaxes you that you happen to also enjoy. I really enjoy this singing/songwriting thing. I'd rather not let it stress me out. Having recording sessions at McNally Smith College of Music already stresses me out quite a bit. It's suddenly taking my life over and directing my life in a deeper and lonelier corner of my bedroom. I would sit there and work on songs all day, everyday. I used to do that just about once a week

2. Okay, so there's really only one reason why I'd rather not sell my music.

Once I really think this through, I'm going to decide whether to take the step to set my music loose into the world for a price, or simply for free.
Simple sounds really nice right now.